Holiday Gift Catalog

Don't get caught in the chaos of the holiday shopping season. Buy your gifts online right here! New Stuff will be added every week!

Remorseless Killing Machine: Mankind's Greatest Fear Realized. Once the stuff of science fiction, now a reality, the Remorseless Killing Machine is a ruthless automaton dedicated to eradicating the human race. With its formidable intellect and inhuman strength, the Remorseless Killing Machine relentlessly pursues its single directive: to eliminate chaos and disorder by exterminating the irrational scourge which is mankind. Great at parties. Catalog #RLK239847. $348,520,457.73 USD ($10,328,471 S/H).

Motivational Cassettes. Get on the path to self-improvement with our award-winning library of motivational tapes. Our tapes provide everything you need to know about life, love, and happiness. Here are the titles that you can choose from: "Stop Eating Those HoHos and Get Off of Your Fat, Lazy Ass: A Simple Plan for Losing Weight," "That Bitch Don't Deserve You: How to Build a Successful Relationship in the 90s," "Cook Your Own Crystal Meth," "Know Your Venereal Diseases," and "Kung-Fu Your Way to the Top." Each tape $19.99 USD ($1233.99 S/H).

Feral, Wild Animals. We don't know where these things came from, or what they even are, but we sure are eager to get them the hell out of here. These guys are nasty little bastards; they'd rather bite your leg off than look at you. As far as we can tell, they only eat meat and they get really hyper at night, especially when the moon is full. A couple of days ago, one of them got loose and schoolchildren started disappearing. The worst thing is they multiply like rabbits. For the love of god, order one so that we might separate the mating pairs. Catalog #FWA209384. $0.99 USD (FREE S/H).


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