Dog Haikus


READER'S NOTE: The collection of "Dog Haikus" reproduced below was sent to the editorial board of the cityofdogs.com anonymously sometime last spring (1999). We decided to include this collection of verse despite having no idea who the author of these lines is. We'll gladly give proper credit to the author as soon as we find out who that person is and if anyone out there knows who wrote the haikus, please let us know. In the meantime, it is the considered opinion of the editorial board of the cityofdogs.com that the "Dog Haikus" are a hitherto undiscovered work of the late Ezra Pound and that they bear unmistakable similarities to the oeuvre of that great poet in his post-fascist/pre-menopausal period.


I love my master;
Thus I perfume myself with
This long-rotten squirrel.


I lie belly-up
In sunshine, happier than
You ever will be.


Today I sniffed lots
Of dog butts -- I celebrate
By kissing your face.


I sound the alarm!
Paperboy -- come to kill all --
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!


I sound the alarm!
Mailman Fiend -- come to kill all --
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!


I sound the alarm!
Meter Man -- come to kill all --
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!


I sound the alarm!
Garbageman -- come to kill all --
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!


I sound the alarm!
Neighbor's cat -- come to kill all!
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!


I lift my leg and
Wiz on each bush. Hello, Spot --
Sniff all these and weep.


How do I love thee?
The ways are numberless, like
My hairs on the rug.


My human is home!
I am so happy I have
Made a big puddle.


I hate my choke chain --
Look, world, they strangle me! Ack!
Ack! Ack! Ack! Ack! Ack!


Sleeping here, so near
Your feet -- no greater bliss -- well,
Maybe catching cats.


Look in my eyes and
Deny it. No human could
Love you like I do.


The cat is not all
Bad -- she fills the litter box
With those Tootsie Rolls.


Dig under fence -- why?
Because it's there. Because it's
There. Because it's there.


I am your best friend,
always, and especially
When you are eating.


You may call them fleas,
But they are far more -- I call
Them a vocation.


My owners' mood is
Romantic -- I lie near them.
I fart a big one.


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