The Dog of the Month

for January 2000 is:

Sam (I Am)


ABOUT THE WINNER:

Just the Facts:
Sam is a neutered mixed breed dog whose primary components are probably those of a Chow (dark, mottled tongue; general body shape; heavy and longish coat; doesn't swim; excels at math and science) and, to a lesser extent, Golden Retriever (shape of the head; extremely fond of "his people"; excessive vanity regarding his personal appearance). Sam is approximately two and a half years old as of March 2000. He weighs about 60 lbs. He has gained 15 lbs since we adopted him in March 1999, but is not overweight. Like many of the area's most outstanding dogs (e.g. Tiyoo, Eli, and his new little sister, Lucy), Sam was adopted from Animal Haven.
AKC Papers?: No, but the "Chow mix" may be the most numerous "non-breed" in existence, if the demographic makeup of area animal shelters is any indication.
What's in a Name?

Sam's name at the time we adopted him was "Alphonso." We didn't like the name (you try yelling "Alphonso" in public!) and, apparently, neither did he because, while otherwise attentive, he NEVER responded to that name. Moreover, the local dog parks can be a hard place for a young male dog trying to fit in, and a name like Alphonso was certainly not going to help. Alyson and I believed he hadn't had the name long and may have been given the name by his last owner, who kept him only a short while before taking him to the SPCA. Alyson then hit upon a brilliant idea: call out as many common male dog names as we could think of and see if he responded to any of them. He remained utterly impassive as Alyson and I called out "Max," "Spot," "Chuck," "Buddy," and "Little Lord Fauntleroy" in our cross-species game of charades. After several minutes, he started to walk off, doubtless out of embarassment over the spectacle we were making, when one of us tried "Sam." At that point, he stopped, turned and looked at us, and started wagging his tail in the enthusiastic yet rythm-less way we've since come to know so well. We knew then that his original name, the name he was given in the happy if temporary home of his puppyhood, must have been Sam; either that, or he was thoroughly amused at the thought that we were trying to coax him with an offer of "Spam."
Mottoes: "I would prefer not to"; "Were you going to finish that?"; "Who's your buddy, who's your pal?"; and "Ciao!"
Sam's "A list": St.Ella, Sam's dearly departed much older sister with whom he got to spend many an afternoon frolicking, wrestling, and getting into mischief; Riley, his favorite Azalea park buddy and most excellent wrestling companion; Lucy, his new little sister, who gleefully plays the "Lucy" role to Sam's "Charlie Brown"; and hundgeist, or whatever the name is of his imaginary dog playmate with whom he wrestles for milk bones when he thinks no one is watching.
Sam (at left in both photos) poses with St.Ella in their halcyon days
Favorite Books: (1) "World O' Neuticals" (a catalog of various prosthetic devices for male dogs; and three books written by St.Ella: (2)"The City of Dogs"; (3) "A Thousand and One Kitty-Cat Recipes"; (4) "The Art of Selective Inattention: A Step-by-Step Guide to Blowing Off Your Humans Whenever You Want Without Interrupting the Steady Flow of Dog Treats".
Turn-ons: (1) Green eggs & ham; (2) Park time; (3) Keeping up with his vast "Pee-mail" correspondence (see the glossary); (4) Attempting -- sullenly and ineffectively -- to mount almost every male dog he meets; and (5) spending "quality time" in the evenings with Alyson & Jon.
Turn-offs: (1) Other dogs taunting him about that "Alphonso" business; (2) Being told he resembles the cowardly lion from "The Wizard of Oz"; (3) Jon's efforts at guitar playing, as suggested by the following actual dialogue -- Jon: "I'm getting pretty good at this. Sam, did you hear me playing just now?" Sam: "No, I'm afraid I wasn't listening; I didn't think it would be polite to listen."
Most Impressive Trick: Only our male readers will appreciate this: Although Sam is house-broken, he once peed on one of the legs of his mother-in-law's dining table just before all the guests arrived. Jon swears he did NOT train him to do this.
For One Million Dollars,
Why Did Sam's Original
Owners Give Up on Him?:
(A) After long hours of listening to talk radio, they began to fear that Sam's house-training was not Y2K compliant and they would start the new millennium with a big, smelly mess on their living room floor; (B) They were dismayed to discover that caring for a dog required more effort than arranging stuffed animals in cute poses in the rear window of their 1973 Impala; (C) Because of his propensity for attempting to mount other male dogs, they suspected he might have served time in prison; (D) That "peeing on the mother-in-law's dining room table trick" didn't go over very well the first time he tried it.


Number of "Pre-Approved" Credit Card Offers Given to Sam (Since February 22, 2000):
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